My Madness May Be Liberated!

Always approach such subjects with a grain of salt and a bit of hesitation, since truthfully, I could just be having a good day, or perhaps slipping into some new bit of madness I hadn't anticipated.

But over the past few weeks I have truly bled, and this time I let it out and let it go. I'm not sure anyone else would see it, as personal a journey as it has been, but things are different now.

I was so angry, to the point of non-function. I am still angry, but it is not personal anymore. I'm not out to hurt anyone in particular (although the same can not be said for entities such as schools, governments or businesses), and my anger to individuals has become an understanding of their weakness and a pity for their ignorant plight.

Some of this (hell, most of this) is completely personal. In my down, I was down on the world but primarily my own place within it. I felt ugly, worthless, used, hurtful, and really any other word that can detriment a person. When I finally came around to a realization of what is most important (moments of love, visions of beauty, laughter with friends), I started looking at doing better by myself.

I told my wife I needed to be selfish, and I did. I needed to selfishly set aside the time to clean, eat, exercise, and do things I enjoyed (guitar, reading, writing). I have done so over the past few weeks and I feel fantastic about it.

I eat like there is no tomorrow (which may not be good someday, but for a man that has to belt up a 30 inch pantline, its fine today), and am exercising twice plus (lots of physical work also) per day. I have spent more time with the family, playing, and more time outside, being fed by the sun. I have no intention on slipping back into my slump.
Admittedly, I still smoke and (the biggy) I drink way too much. I won't go into that too much farther, but suffice it to say that that sentence is an extreme understatement.

So, looking forward, more food, more exercise, more care for self, more time to play, more time to relax. A new job mixed with less drinking and less smoking is really the remainder of my current personal agenda.

Still, I am one pissed off dude when it comes to issues I see in the world, from war to famine to mistreatment to environmental rapage, but I can't go hit the picket lines if I can't face myself and get out of bed, so.......

Here we go!-E